I know what you’re probably thinking, top 5 worst songs of all time? That’s a pretty bold statement.
This is strictly my opinion, but perhaps we might find some common ground on these songs as I progress through the list.
First of all, picture yourself driving anywhere in town or on a road trip, and this song (insert horrible Christmas song here) comes on the radio for the thousandth time. It’s kind of like Groundhog Day when Bill Murray keeps waking up to “I’ve Got You Babe” over and over and over again. It just gets really old.
Before starting with the list, please know that all of this is tongue-in-cheek. I sometimes still catch myself singing these silly, nonsensical lyrics. Maybe you have done the same. You might even be midway through the song before you realize that you’re vibing down the road to this awful earworm. If you can relate, then this top 5 list is just for you.
Here we go…
#5 Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You.“
I have thrown down the gauntlet. This could easily be number one on this list of worst Christmas songs. For starters, it has been overplayed and overmarketed for years. Sure, it was, at first, a heartwarming-feel good song, but like leftovers in the fridge that mold over time, it just needs to eventually be thrown away. That’s how I feel about this song. Cue my Ebenezer Scrooge “Bah Humbug.”
Once I’ve heard this song a bajillion times, I can’t help but change the channel as soon as I hear the intro of this tune.
#4 “Last Christmas“
I’m sorry Wham and George Michael fans, but this song isn’t really about Christmas, it’s about love and loss. It’s also a Christmas earworm that inevitably seems to get lodged in my brain and it takes much mental focus to jar it loose. Plus I can’t help but picture the cheesy 80’s music video at the ski lodge when I do. I like the song, I just don’t think it’s a Christmas song.
#3 Christmas Shoes
If there was ever a song that could pull on the heart (shoe…eh, er…) strings and emotionally manipulate the listener this song is it. It’s a Hallmark Christmas movie tragedy rolled up into a 5 minute song. It’s an emotional rollercoaster and I cannot stand the emotional scarring that I received from the first time I fell victim to the tune being played on the radio (I’m not crying, you’re crying). This is one of those songs that I envision hell playing over and over again as a punishment to its residents…too far? Maybe, but I can’t tell you how much I despise this song. (sorry to all those out there who love this song, perhaps there’s a support group for you somewhere.)
#2 Do They Know It’s Christmas Time
This is, by far, the most tone-deaf, Celebrity infused song/campaign that was ever written. Bob Geldof and Midge Ure wrote this song for the famine in Ethiopia and, in their defense, it did generate over 8 million pounds (9 or 10 million dollars) and to date has generated nearly 28 million dollars for the Band Aid Charity. It was for a noble cause, and the song was purposefully written for the Christmas season to drive awareness of hunger and other issues around the world. That being said, I do not think starving people in a third-world country care if it’s Christmas time or not; they just want to be fed.
The success of this song spurred the creation of the horrendously famous “We Are the World”. I guess my biggest complaint is that this song was written for a specific time, and it just didn’t age well. Radio stations still play it heavily at Christmas, and as noble as the cause was in the 80s, perhaps it’s time to retire this specific number? That’s just my opinion.
#1 Tie “Rock’n Around the Christmas Tree.” / “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time.”
My #1 worst Christmas Songs of all time is a tie between Rock’n Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee and Sir Paul McCartney’s “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time.” Both are entirely nonsensical pieces of lyrical genius and garbage.
We still hear it every. single. year. It gets a lot of radio play and is synonymous with Christmas marketing campaigns and movies. Both songs are absolute earworms that rattle around in our brains from Thanksgiving to December 31st and beyond. From a strictly marketing standpoint these songs are absolute gold. Paul McCartney makes over $400,000 a year from his Christmas song. Brenda Lee’s song contains 1950s references to sock hops and she has sold over a 100 million copies of said song and still receives royalties from it.
Why the Worst?
The lyrics make no sense.
No one is rocking around the Christmas tree, at least not how we envision “Rockin” today. The song is repetitive and contains zero Christmas context with exception of a tree, and, since it’s my opinionated blog post, I will turn off the radio or player when this song comes on.
Paul McCartney repeats “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” over and over again until my ears are bleeding and they are trying to fall off of my head. It seems to me that there was this musical and lyrical theory that if one repeated something enough times, it would become popular. In a way, I guess it was a success and is popular, but that doesn’t stop me from hating on the song. The song is horrendous and has no deep meaning or purpose but to clog up the airwaves, and brainwash us into having a wonderful time…even when stuck in traffic.
Hard pass for me. I would rather listen to the worst rendition of Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer than be subjected to another caffeine-driven DJ pumping out this awful McCartney special.
And there you have it.
That’s my list for 2022.
Maybe it will change next year, perhaps another song will top my “most disliked” list.
What do you think about this list? Do you agree or disagree?
Comment below, and let’s continue this conversation.
Runners Up Award: