Tag: ‘Friends’

The Fraying Threads of Friendship: Why It’s So Hard to Keep Friends as We Age

By Pastor Scott

You ever notice how friendships start to feel like old sweaters? They’re cozy, familiar, but over time, they get stretched out, a little threadbare, maybe even lost in the back of the closet. You don’t mean for it to happen. Life just… happens. And suddenly, you’re standing there, wondering where all your people went.

I’ve been chewing on this a lot lately, mostly because I got hit with a question that stopped me dead in my tracks. I was doing this pastoral survey—you know, one of those “reflect on your life and ministry” deals that’s supposed to make you feel wise and connected. It asked, “Do you have two friends you could call in the middle of the night if you were in a crisis?” Simple, right? Two names. Just two.

I sat there, cursor hovering over the page, and I couldn’t answer it. Not honestly. I mean, I’ve got people. I’ve got my wife, my kids, my congregation, folks I laugh with at church potlucks. But two friends I could call at 2 a.m., no hesitation, no doubt they’d pick up? I didn’t know if I had that. And that realization? It felt like a punch to the gut.

Here’s the thing: I don’t think I’m alone in this. The older we get, the harder it is to maintain friendships. When you’re young, it’s easy. You’re thrown together in school, sports, youth group. You bond over pizza runs and late-night talks about dreams that feel like they’re just around the corner. But then life creeps in—jobs, mortgages, kids, doctor’s appointments, and suddenly, you’re not just juggling time; you’re wrestling it to the ground.

And let’s be real: as a pastor, it’s even trickier. You’re everyone’s friend, but nobody’s friend, you know? You’re there for the crises, the weddings, the funerals, but when it’s your turn to need someone, you hesitate. You don’t want to burden anybody. You’re supposed to be the strong one, the one with the answers. Plus, there’s that weird dynamic where you’re not sure if people are your friend because they like you or because you’re Pastor Scott.

But it’s not just a pastor thing. I’ve talked to enough people—carpenters, teachers, stay-at-home moms—to know this is a human thing. As we age, our worlds get smaller. We move away. We get busy. We get hurt. Maybe a friend betrayed you, or maybe you just drifted apart, and now it feels awkward to reach out. Like, what do you even say? “Hey, remember me? We used to grab coffee ten years ago. Wanna pick up where we left off?”

And then there’s the vulnerability piece. Friendship—real, deep friendship—requires you to show up as you are. No mask, no filter. That’s scary when you’re 20, but when you’re pushing 40, 50, 60? It’s terrifying. You’ve got baggage now. You’ve got scars. You’re not sure if you can trust someone to hold all that without dropping it.

So, what do we do? Do we just shrug and say, “That’s life,” and keep trudging along, lonely but pretending we’re fine? Or do we fight for it? Because I think friendship is worth fighting for. It’s not just nice to have; it’s holy. Jesus didn’t do life alone—he had his twelve, his inner three. He ate with them, laughed with them, cried with them. If the Son of God needed friends, who are we to think we can go it solo?

I’m trying to figure this out myself, and I don’t have all the answers. But here’s what I’m learning:

  1. Start small. You don’t need a squad of ten. One friend, one real connection, can change everything. Text someone you’ve been meaning to reconnect with. Say, “Hey, I miss you. Can we grab a burger?” It might feel awkward, but awkward is better than empty.
  2. Be honest. If you’re struggling, say it. I’m preaching to myself here, because I’m terrible at this. But the few times I’ve let my guard down and admitted, “I’m lonely,” it’s opened doors I didn’t expect. People want to show up; they just need to know you need them.
  3. Make time. I know, I know—time is the one thing we never have enough of. But friendship doesn’t survive on leftovers. Schedule it. Put it on the calendar. Treat it like it matters, because it does.
  4. Lean into grace. Not every friendship is meant to last forever. Some people are in your life for a season, and that’s okay. Let them go with love, and keep your heart open for who’s next.

I’m still wrestling with that survey question. I’ve started reaching out to a couple of old friends, and it’s been messy and beautiful and humbling. I don’t know if they’d pick up at 2 a.m. yet, but I’m hoping we’re getting there. And I’m praying for the courage to keep showing up, to keep risking the vulnerability, to keep believing that God’s got people for me—and for you.

Because here’s the truth: we weren’t made to do this alone. We were made for late-night calls, for belly laughs, for someone to sit with us in the dark and say, “I’m here.” And if we’re willing to fight for it, I think we can find our way back to each other.

So, tell me—how’s it going for you? Got your two people? Or are you, like me, staring at the question, wondering where to start? Let’s figure it out together.
Grace & Peace,

Pastor Scott

0

The Roof Crashers In Mark 2.

https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/5JTtuFk7bSb

Hey, let’s step into this wild little story from Mark 2. Picture it: Jesus is in Capernaum, and the buzz around Him is electric. People are jammed into this house—shoulder to shoulder, spilling out the door, all trying to get close to this guy who’s saying things that make their hearts beat faster. And then, out of nowhere, there’s this commotion. Four friends show up, carrying a paralyzed man on a stretcher. They can’t get in—too many bodies, too much noise. So they do something insane. They climb up on the roof, start digging through it—tearing it apart, tile by tile—and lower their friend down, right into the middle of everything. Right in front of Jesus.

Can you feel that? The audacity. The desperation. The sheer, beautiful chaos of it all.

The Ones Who Won’t Stop

These four friends—they’re not polite. They don’t wait for an invitation or a clear path. They’ve got this guy, their friend, who’s been stuck—paralyzed, sidelined, forgotten—and they’re done with the excuses. They’re not just hoping for a miracle; they’re making a way for one. This is love with dirt under its fingernails. It’s faith that doesn’t sit still.

And isn’t that us, sometimes? Or at least, isn’t that who we want to be? The ones who refuse to let the crowd—whether it’s people, or fear, or doubt—keep us from getting to Jesus? Because maybe the roof isn’t just clay and straw. Maybe it’s shame. Maybe it’s guilt. Maybe it’s the voices saying, “You’re not enough.” And these friends—they’re like, “No. We’re crashing through.”

Isaiah 53 whispers something here: “Who has believed our message?” These guys did. They believed Jesus was more than a teacher, more than a healer. They believed He was worth the mess. And that belief? It moved them.

The Unexpected Word

So, the man’s down there, dangling in front of Jesus, and the room’s holding its breath. What’s He going to do? Heal him, right? That’s the obvious play. But Jesus looks at this guy—really looks at him—and says, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

Wait. What?

Not “Stand up.” Not “Be healed.” But “Your sins are forgiven.” It’s like Jesus is rewriting the script. Everyone’s expecting a physical fix, but He goes deeper, straight to the soul. Because maybe the real paralysis isn’t in this man’s legs—it’s in his heart. Maybe he’s been carrying something heavier than a broken body. And Jesus sees it. He always sees it.

Isaiah 53:5 echoes through this moment: “He was pierced for our transgressions… by His wounds we are healed.” This isn’t just about a mat and some dusty feet. This is about a Messiah who takes our junk—our sin, our pain—and says, “I’ve got this.” Forgiveness isn’t a side dish here; it’s the main course. Jesus is saying, “You’re not just a body to me. You’re a soul. You’re mine.”

The Power That Proves It

The religious folks in the corner—they’re not happy. “Who can forgive sins but God alone?” they mutter. And Jesus—hears them, feels their skepticism—and He doesn’t flinch. He turns it into a question: “Which is easier—to say ‘Your sins are forgiven’ or ‘Get up and walk’?” Then, without missing a beat, He tells the man, “Take your mat and go home.” And the guy does. He stands up, grabs that mat, and walks out—right through the stunned crowd.

This is it. This is the mic-drop moment. Because forgiving sins? That’s invisible. Anyone can say it. But making a paralyzed man walk? That’s proof. That’s power. And Jesus ties them together—forgiveness and healing, spirit and body—like they’re two sides of the same coin. He’s not just a healer. He’s God in flesh, the Messiah Isaiah saw coming: “Surely He took up our pain and bore our suffering” (Isaiah 53:4). This is divinity crashing into humanity, right there in the dust.

The Invitation

So here’s the thing: This story isn’t just about a guy on a mat. It’s about us. Who are we in this scene? Are we the friends, tearing roofs off to get someone to Jesus? Are we the paralyzed one, needing to hear “Son, daughter, you’re forgiven”? Or are we the crowd, watching, wondering what it all means?

Maybe it’s all three. Maybe we’re invited to crash through whatever’s holding us back, to trust that Jesus sees the stuff we can’t even name, and to stand up in the power He’s already given us. Because this Jesus—He’s not just fixing legs. He’s remaking lives. He’s the suffering servant of Isaiah 53, the one who carries our wounds so we don’t have to.

So take a breath today. Lean into this story. Maybe close your eyes for a second or two and picture yourself on that mat—or maybe holding the ropes. What’s the roof in your life right now? What’s keeping you from Jesus? Name it. Whisper it. And then hear Him say, “Your sins are forgiven.” Let that sink in. It’s not about earning it—it’s about receiving it. Now, what’s He saying next? “Get up and walk”? Maybe it’s time to move. Maybe it’s time to carry someone else. Spend a minute with that. Let it stir you. Because this story? It’s still alive. It’s still yours.

Grace, Peace & Empty Mats.
-Pastor Scott.

0

The Waters of Faith and Fear – Find Jesus there!

Image

 

I’ve been looking at the painting.  I’m mesmerized by it.  Have you ever studied a painting?  Have you looked closely at the details?  The brush strokes?  The unspoken drama captured in a mere moment?  Look at the waves, how they list back and forth, how they swell to a crescendo and fall back down again.  It’s almost as if you can watch them in their lunar symphonic dance.  As I look into this painting I see so much of me.  I see evidence of my doubt, evidence of my fears and evidence of my lack of strength.  I see me drowning there, not just Peter.  I see what could happen if I fall down into the depths of this flowing tide.  The water filling up my lungs.  The panicked shock becoming reality.  My feeble life flashing before my eyes.  I can imagine it…can you?

 As I look at this painting, a story we’ve all heard before while sitting in those stiff backed, wood-oil scented pews that creak when you shift positions…the story of Peter walking on the water with Jesus.  We’ve heard the details of this story.  How Peter saw Jesus walking towards them and cried out to Him, “Lord if it is really you call me to come out there with you…and Jesus said ‘Come'” (Matthew 14:22-33).   So Peter gets out of the boat and starts walking towards Jesus on the water.  You see we often stop here in this story and think to ourselves “wait for the ‘but'” and we call this Peter’s doubting moment because he looked down, because he became frightened, because he took his eyes off of Jesus.  But what we often fail to look at within this story and it’s evident in this painting is that Peter got out of the boat…but where were the rest of the disciples?  Where did they remain?  In the boat.  If we look real closely they are way off in the foreground standing in the boat safe and sound but did they believe as Peter had?  Did they climb out of the boat with him?  No.  

Another thing that really hits home to me that is portrayed in this painting is the juxtaposition of his friends and peers in the boat as opposed to where Peter is located.  No, not just because of their doubt but because of their distance.  When Peter needed his friends and his peers the most they were too far away to help him.  He was well out of their reach to throw any kind of life saving device towards his sinking soul.  As I stare into this painting I begin to understand something that I didn’t before.  Perhaps I knew it to be true, but only in the back of my mind.  Here’s the truth:  Our friends, comrades in arms, loved ones and peers cannot save us all of the time.  There are times when faith takes us out further than perhaps others are willing or called to go.  Faith takes us into deeper waters where we have to find out for ourselves that not only is our strength not enough but our faith must be increased so that Jesus can save us.  It’s not about being better than our friends or our loved ones, it’s not about being more holy but God calls each of us to different waters.  So when we step out of our boats as Peter did we will find ourselves at times to be all alone on those waters without the support of other believers near us.  

Staring again at this painting I am struck by how the painter illustrates the expression that Jesus has on his face.  If someone lets you down what might your expression be? One of disappointment?  One of anger?  One of dismay?  To me, Jesus doesn’t seem to have any of these expressions on His face.  Instead He appears concerned, lovely so as He stoops down to pluck Peter from the depths.  Notice too that Jesus doesn’t grasp onto Peter’s slipper, wet fingers.  Instead He grasps Peter by the wrist.  What this says to me is that Jesus knows.  He knows that Peter can’t pull himself up out of these circumstances.  He knows that Peter’s strength have given way to doubt, shock and fear.  Jesus knows and so He pulls Peter up by his wrist and in so saying ‘My strength is enough, let me be your salvation’.  

I am Peter in the waters from time to time.  I am being choked by the lapping waters as I gasp for another breath.  I am given over to fears and doubts and I cannot save myself.  I look for my friends and for my peers but they are too far from me.  Yet Jesus is there willing and able to rescue me…again.  He grasps onto my wrist and says to me ‘My love, my strength, my courage, my grace, my hope…is enough!’  

Today I don’t know what kind of waters you’re walking on in faith, but I do know one thing Jesus is there!  Though our faith may take us out deeper than we’ve ever gone before, though we find it difficult or impossible to walk alone…Jesus is there!  Trust Him today!  Trust His strength.  Trust that He will never abandon you or be too far away to rescue you.  When you find yourself far from the saving mercies of other Christians, look up and find the One who has paid it all grasping onto your wrist and saving you through His strength and grace. 

 

 

5

Friends & Cheers…and belonging!

Image

Isn’t it everyone’s longing and hope in this world to find a place that you belong?  Isn’t that the hope of every person living?  We want to find acceptance, understanding and people who will love us for who we are…truly love us regardless of our faults and flaws.  Isn’t this why television shows like ‘Cheers’ and the more contemporary ‘Friends’ became so popular in the first place?  We find identity within characters who have found this formula don’t we?  We, perhaps covet their meaningful relationships because we too crave this type of deep level of fulfillment in others as well.

Image

Sure the characters are flawed, have issues, aren’t perfect and yet these characters had people coming back for more each week to find out how their favorite fictional characters were getting on.  These syndicated comedy shows have been so popular that for Cheers they’ve aired followup episodes to please its following, and rumors are they are planning this type of event for the cast fan base of ‘Friends’ as well.

Perhaps it’s loneliness that drives these franchises to popularity, or perhaps they touch on a very familiar topic and emotion in the majority of our world…we want to be loved and find belonging.

Perhaps a passage of scripture that seems obscure or a book in the bible you don’t often read says this to us about God’s love and our search for belonging in this life:  Zephaniah 3:17 “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”

Perhaps some of us feel lonely in this life…know that God is with you!  Perhaps some of us feel unloved or unlovable…know that God ‘will quiet you (and your heartache) with his love’!    Perhaps some of us worry about how our bills will be paid, where our next meal will come from or even the relationships (no matter how broken they may appear)…God will rejoice over you!

Do you need to be cheered up today?  Are you in need of Friends?….I know sorry about that play on words there, but God wants to be involved in your life and to remind you that you aren’t alone, you are never alone!  He loves you so much and wants you to find fulfillment in this life through others as well as your relationship to Him.

Be of good cheer. Do not think of today’s failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost.” -Hellen Keller

0

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑