Is the traditional family close to death? 4 threats that will flatline the family.

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The divorce rate in the United States is at an all time high – 50% and climbing.  For married couples, the busy world around them and the drive to be successful can be both rewarding and detrimental to their relationship.  If that issue were not enough, children within the family structure are facing greater societal pressures and visual/auditory simulations than ever before.  From images and videos on the web to television and online streaming accounts, the standards of moral living and what accepted behavior is, which should be taught by the parents are being contradicted by these outside influences.  

The argument can be made (and rightly so) that it is the parent’s duty to monitor and regulate the “data” consumption of their children yet all too often parents are either too busy working or have little to no interest in correctly parenting their children.  This is just one danger that threatens families today.  A sociological description of this is summed up in the phrase: “if you want to change society tomorrow you must teach the children of today!” The question is, who is teaching our children if the parents are not?  

4 threats that will flatline the family:

1 Societal Pressures: As mentioned above, who is teaching our children and what sort of influences are we allowing to infiltrate our homes?  Sometimes these influences seem innocuous yet just beneath surface there looms a greater threat which could potentially disrupt the teachings of the parents.   I don’t wish to sound like an alarmist or fire the danger flares without a clear sign of danger but parents be aware of what you allow your children to see, hear and do while they live in your home.  You have the greatest power to mold and shape your children, don’t let these outside influences disrupt or distort the godly principles that you are displaying and teaching them!   

2. Busyness: 
Parents, this is a warning to all of us.  Do not let your work and your job become all that you do!  Your first ministry and profession is to be a good parent!  This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work, but rather prioritize your schedule where possible in order to be there for your children.  The threat of “busyness” can be translated by your children to mean that they don’t matter to you, they are less important than your work, and this is how they should in turn become parents to their children in the future.  

Do you remember the old song “Cats in the cradle”?  In the chorus there’s that haunting lyric:
When you comin’ home, Dad
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then

You know we’ll have a good time then.”

And the song goes on and the son becomes just like his Dad and never has enough time because he is always busy.  
Spend time with your children.  Don’t let this threat flatline your family and your relationships to your children!  Someday, if we allow the busyness to consume us, we will come to regret all of the broken promises and unfulfilled plans that never happened because we never took the time.  

3.  Materialism: 
This might get personal, am I stepping on anyone’s toes yet?  Good! 
This whole “keeping up with the Jones'” needs to end in our homes!  We run the risk of becoming so “stuff” focused that we lose sight of the precious relationships we have right in front of us.  God gave us these living and breathing miracles to watch over, to teach and to love, and if we are so consumed with “stuff” what will our children see and want to become as well?  There are some things we absolutely need in this life, but then there are those things that we crave and desire and even covet.  Has materialism become an obsession in your household?  There is no doubt that in our media saturated world the “tech craze” has perpetuated our wants over our needs.  It has driven people to spend beyond their means and even at the risk of their families and livelihoods.  If we have become obsessed with stuff, not only do we run the risk of our kids following close behind us in our footsteps but perhaps we have removed God from His rightful place as well.  Does materialism rule you?  Beware of this family threat that could flatline your family.  Perhaps this threat may not flatline you right away, but gradually over time it has the propensity to wreck havoc in your lives and the lives of your children. 

4.  Financial Pressures: 
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One of the biggest threats to marriages today falls within the realms of finances.  Some of these financial pressures are interconnected with the third threat of materialism.  Families dream of buying that bigger or better house only to find that they have a bigger and harder mortgage to pay per month.  Financial pressures build and create fissures within the marriage relationship.  Married couples have to then work harder and slave over longer hours to help pay for the financial mess they find themselves in.  Along with the housing pressures come the credit card pressures (I’m beginning to sound like Dave Ramsey now).  Credit cards can be useful at times but it can also perpetuate this never ending cycle of debt in some and the dependence on borrowing money that we do not posses to pay off.  “At the end of the second quarter 2013, there was approximately $850 billion in outstanding revolving debt, mainly credit cards.” (Source: http://www.credit.com/debt/five-shocking-credit-card-debt-statistics/) 

Here’s another credit card statistic: “the average credit card balance per consumer was recently reported to be $3,779″ (Source: http://www.credit.com/debt/average-credit-card-debt/) 

Many families are living from pay check to pay check and at times have become enslaved to their credit card debts because they have overspent and lived without a backup plan and/or financial understanding of realistically “living within their means”.  This isn’t a discussion about poverty or the rich vs. the poor, this is a discussion about understanding how dangerous credit cards and debt in general can be on the family structure.  Financial pressures can be inherited and taught just as moral principles of living can be taught.  This doesn’t mean that all children will emulate their parents all the way into financial woes but certain habitual traits within finances can leave unhealthy blueprints for our children’s future.  

Get out the paddles and jump start the family heart: 

 

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Spend quality time with your family!  Regulate and filter what your children watch and hear in a media saturated world!  You are the parent so take the time, live like it and share your love and passions (those things that matter) with your family!  Don’t let these threats flatline your family, instead jump start your crew by intentional time and care!  Plan creative family events.  Do a family movie night.  Talk around the dinner table.  Invest in your children and in what they love to do.  Go to their school events when you are able!  Show up, don’t merely attend!  The family is your first ministry.  From your home stems all other avenues of God’s love for the world around you!  Don’t let your family flatline, it’s far too valuable to lose!  

-Just another thought to ponder.  

 

 

 

Is technology killing our family relationships?

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I have been told that the best messages we share are those that come from the heart and are personal.  This specific topic hits home with me because I love technology and and use it often…cue the song from NapoleonDynamite as Kip sings “I love technology”.  

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 But seriously, I have found myself once in a while checking my social media sites or texting another person on my phone and then I look up to discover one of my children had been telling me something and I completely missed it.  

Are you missing it to?

 I’m not a hypocrite here, I am equally guilty.  Technology is awesome in that it brings our big world so much closer and we can communicate to so many different people in it.  But what are we sacrificing when these “tools” become our whole world or our one obsession?  

We rush home from church on Sunday and instead of a nice family meal where actual talking takes place, we instead grab our tablet devices, video game consoles, cell phones a quick bite to eat and we’re all off in separate rooms practically living separate lives.  It’s sad but are we missing out on relationships that actually matter? Image

 

 Are we looking at the broad forest, which is the internet and all of the social media connections out there, while we completely lose out on these trees and their decaying roots (our families) right in front of us?  

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not that these things are inherently evil or bad, it’s just how we choose to use and sometimes abuse them.  Technology is bringing the world to us but is it pushing our families away from us as well?  Is there a balance that we can find?   

Here are three suggestions to help with our over indulgence of technology.  I also plan on utilizing this in my own life and with my own family as well: 

1)  Have a family meeting

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Sit down together without any distractions of televisions or any other electronic device.  Discuss your concerns with your kids and your spouse.  Share the desire to spend more quality time with them without being distracted.  Allot time to be on devices and online, but also carve out specific times in the week that you go “device free”…parents this includes you too! 

If it helps (and you’re that OCD) post a schedule on the refrigerator or in another prominent place where every family member can see it.  

2) Dinner Nights

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Depending on how busy you are, ensure that there are specific nights (perhaps every week night) where you sit down at the dinner table and have dinner together.  BUT: do not allow devices at the dinner table!  Perhaps even turn off the television if that is a distraction to your families and your conversations.  Communication is so important!  We don’t often realize how much we miss out on when our eyes are not focused on the one who is talking.  We miss the non-verbal language which includes body language and facial expressions.  Put the devices away for dinner and start talking to each other. Those devices and those “online” conversations will be there when you get back, they aren’t going anywhere.   

3) Go a week without.
This probably seems drastic to you…it does to me as well.  I was very reluctant to recommend this.  I am still leery of such a proposition.  A technology fast seems improbable in our tech-savvy/tech saturated world.  Yet what would happen if we tried to simply put the devices down for a week?  Could we do it?  Are we THAT addicted?  Why does it create such consternation in us (admittedly me)?  You know the old adage about addiction, addicts refuse to admit they have a problem.  Has technology become an unhealthy addiction you?  Do you find yourself checking status’ on facebook and other social sites more than a few minutes an hour?  Perhaps then there is some merit to going a week without these things.  

We can use the excuse that we need them for work, and rightly so.  But don’t try and rationalize away your usage of devices while on a fast if it isn’t “work” related.  Take a break.  Get away.  Go outside.  Go for a ride.  

No Excuses just love!  

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Spend time with those that truly matter to you!  Don’t neglect them or come to regret that you “weren’t there” later on in your life. Technology is great, but so is your family!  Use tech as a tool a means to connect but don’t let it consume and separate those that matter most to you!  

-Just something else to ponder today!  

 

Stop Giving Dirty Diapers to God!

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“If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there’d be peace.”
― John Lennon

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I was driving down the road when I saw it.  It was a purple bill board.  It was the color that first caught my eye (someone please pay that advertising genius).  As I got closer and adjusted my “old man” eyes I read what the sign said, “Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, we all worship TV.”   Perhaps the advertisers were just trying to unify us by saying we all worshiped something together, but it just didn’t sit well with me.  I drove past that bill board but in a way I was still staring at it for the next ten miles.  Something felt sinking in my heart…was it really true?  Do we worship the television?

What is the definition of an “Idol”?

i·dol
ˈīdl/
noun
noun: idol; plural noun: idols
  1. 1.

    an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship.
    synonyms: icon, representation of a god, imageeffigystatuefigurefigurine,fetishtotem; More

    Here’s another definition – an Idol is whatever you allow to take up and consume all of your time.  How much time do we spend in church?  Maybe four – seven hours a week (if you don’t work there).  How much time do you spend in front of the television or perhaps the tablet device/computer screen?  I would venture a guess that for the most part the hours spent here would out number the hours spent at church.  But church isn’t the only place to find God is it?  I mean we all own bibles don’t we?  How many hours a day or even a week do we spend reading its pages?

    What is consuming your time?  Some might say, “well my family takes up a lot of it“, while others might say, “I work sixty hour weeks” and I certainly don’t want to sound as if I’m condemning any of that.  It just hit me driving by that big purple bill board how little time I sometimes actually-physically give to God.  Not just at work, but as a devoted lover and follower of God.

    “Here God – take my left-overs”

    It’s almost as if I’ve been saying to God, “You stay home while I go to work, I’ll be back in like eight hours…see ya!”  or “Well God I’ve got more pressing things to do today, I have to catch up on all of my DVR’d shows, we’ll talk some other time”.  God doesn’t have an on/off switch.  He isn’t some toy you place on a shelf and only take Him down when you feel like it.  God desires from us real and genuine fellowship, not our left-overs.

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    “CAIN & ABEL” 

    Do you remember Cain and Abel? (Read Genesis 4 again)  Sure we remember that Cain kills his brother, but why?  Because he was jealous of how he was blessed by God.  But why was he blessed by God?  Because Abel honored God with the first fruits and not his left-overs.  Cain honored God with the scraps of his left-overs, the less desired cuts from his crops, while he feasted on prime rib of the land.  Abel set apart the best of the best for God and then used the rest.

    You see there’s an application here.  Are you ABEL (pun intended) to give God the best of the best first?  For far too long I’ve been giving Him my left-overs.  I’ve been giving Him my after thoughts, my junk…my dirty diapers, and I’ve been thinking that’s good enough.  WELL IT ISN’T!   God didn’t send down some second rate half-wit of an angel to save us did He?  No way!  He sent us His best.  He sent us His Son to save us from sin and death.  God doesn’t want our scraps…He wants genuine fellowship with us.  He wants us to set apart our hearts first for Him and then for others…then for our self.  Be we get that backwards sometimesa lot of times…most of the time.

    Stop giving God your dirty diapers, your rubbish, your “good enoughs”.  Only your best will do!  Maybe it’s time to turn off the television for while, or put down that novel.  Maybe it’s time to let God consume you instead of you consuming stuff and work and play.  Are you prepared to give God your best instead of the rest of the left-overs and the dirty diapers?

    -Just a thought to consider.

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    “But I do know we’re deficient in some way. We are too involved in materialistic things, and they don’t satisfy us. The loving relationships we have, the universe around us, we take these things for granted.”
    ― Mitch AlbomTuesdays With Morrie

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