I looked at my reflection in the screen of my ipad, it was a dark murky shape. I couldn’t distinguish any specific features. My head was only represented as a dark blobbed mass on the screen. My eyes…indiscernible. What I could see though, was the evidence of heavy use. This device had been run through the mill. My children had downloaded a boatload of “apps”, some including baby dress-up games, makeup games, car racing games and galactic alien invasion games as well. Fingerprints painted the screen through heavy use like a paintbrush transplanting color onto a blank canvas.
As I stared at the blank – fingerprinted graffiti-ed screen, a moment of clarity (which clearly wasn’t evident on this screen of hard-use) occurred to me:
Epiphany – (maybe a momentary Theophany…right Phil Davisson?)
My life is like this tablet’s screen. Sometimes, when I allow my life to be used, the fingerprints of God are painted all over my screen. In the background there is a garbled image…a shadow of a man. Yet when I let God use me as He wills, my life becomes vibrant, the screen comes alive and suddenly the light is on…I can finally see. As this momentary epiphany occurred, then evaporated like wisps of vapor, a question began to take shape in my mind…and heart.
Question: “How often do I clutch onto my life and refuse God access?”
Somewhere in a small corner of my heart a response came. It was faint. It was quiet. It was truth.
“Scott, you do this often! Why are you so afraid of me?”
Call it what you will. Chalk it up to an active imagination…an overworked, tired mind.
But I know what I heard.
I recognized the truth…even though it hurt. I had been holding back. I had be tightly clutching onto my feeble existence, holding it like a treasure to share with no one.
Are you clutching onto your life? Are you refusing God access?
Or are there fingerprints of God all over your life? Are there signs of holy use?
Please don’t let me think that I’m alone in this. How long have I withheld myself from Him? How long have I been tightly clutching onto something that God wants to use and make better?
It was a simple moment…it was a silly electronic device that will probably be obsolete in a matter of two years…yet a simple truth seeped into my heart. And words formed on my dry tongue: “Lord use me…Here I am…Take all there is of me.”
I still clutch sometimes.
I still refuse to let go at times.
I’m not there yet…but that simple moment has made all of the difference to my heart, soul, and mind.
Are YOU ready to let go?