Modern Day Psalm.

It’s been too long.
I have exchanged my prayerful conversations
for worry.
I have traded assurances
for fear…
when I should have stood firm,
instead I found
that my feet were slipping
into the depths of the murky mud.

I have become a husk of a man.
the shell
of what I used to be.
When I stopped looking up…
I began to sink.
When I stopped
trusting in You, O God
I began to lose it all.

Where can I go
Apart from you?
What I think in my mind
You already know it.
What I say with my lips
You understand it
and yet I wandered away
I wandered from You…
Why?
Why did I do that?

Could it be that my heart
was never truly in it?
Could it be that my faith
was an inch deep
but a mile wide?
In my distress…
In my darkest hours…
In my hopeless wanderings…
You heard me.
You not only heard,
but you answered me.
ME.

You answered me
in my circumstances
You answered me
through the voices
of brothers and sisters
You answered me
in the ways that cannot
be perceived by ear or sight…
You have been with me
through all of the storms.
I
was
never,
ever
alone.

You are truly my fortress.
You really are my Solid Rock.
I was not
washed away
because you would
not permit it
You would
not allow
it to encompass
and consume me.
I am alive
today only because
of You.

Look deep into
my heart dear Lord,
Find my love again for you.
Search me,
know me again.
Wash me clean.
Remove the blemishes,
Saturate my entire
existence with you
until there is
no differentiation
no beginning
and no end
to Your image
in me.