I had almost forgotten I still had a blog.
This road seems quite dusty and untraveled as of late. Far too many of life’s challenges have taken its place and shuffled my priorities past what I can even recognize as “normal” anymore. Still, there is this itch that I cannot shake. No, I don’t need some sort of itch cream, it’s a mental itch rooting around in my brain, struggling to grasp just one spark of life so that the rest of those creative neurons will fire once more. It’s the itch to put to proverbial pen and paper what’s been brimming inside my brain threatening to spill over. It’s the itch that will not subside until I have committed to it once more. So…here I am. Scratching.
Can I tell you a story?
ok. here goes.
My 15-year-old twins, on their birthday, were adamant about getting their driver’s permits. So, off we went and, sure enough, they took the test and passed. Then, both of them, with smiles from ear to ear took a photo of their proud achievement. I realized at that moment that I had driven them to that location begrudgingly because they are my babies and I still can’t believe they are old enough to drive. Still, with my heart solidly lodged in my throat, I allowed them to drive me home. They don’t know this, but I still see them as the babies they once were: all diapered up, running around in opposite directions and causing all sorts of chaos and mayhem in our little home. That’s the twins I still see when I look at them, but they’re growing up and, perhaps a small part of me (or maybe a large part of me) doesn’t want them to age. In fact, I wished I could reverse time and keep things the way they were.
I am in this chapter of my life where I am once again sitting in the co-pilot seat and sometimes, if Shanais (their Mom) is in the car with us, I am relegated to the backseat where I become the most epic backseat driver that has ever lived. These co-pilot trips are nerve-wracking. Far too many times than I can count I have slammed on my imaginary brake pedal as my son or daughter has taken a curve too fast or has decided to brake too late as the cars in front are at a standstill. I have experienced heart palpitations and, sometimes it has even skipped a beat, as my trust in these rookie drivers has waned and I secretly think to myself “This state really needs to revamp its driver’s training tests” as I white-knuckle the handle just above the passenger door.
I need to confess something: I have trust issues.
I sometimes have doubts that my babies should be driving, and I’m embarrassed to say that I am often surprised when they surpass my road-test “I am worthy” expectations. Sure, they still make mistakes while behind the wheel, but ever-so-slowly they are improving and becoming the driving experts that I know they can become.
The last time I was riding shotgun as one of my “babies” drove, I had an epiphany right there in the passenger seat, white-knuckling the door handle. This must be how our Heavenly Father feels when we still have so much to learn while on this road of life. It sounds kinda cheesy, but I think it’s sort of true. He knows what we are capable of, and yet there are many times that I’m sure he has white-knuckled that passenger door handle as He’s journeyed along with me (and perhaps you). I know that I have trust issues, but I doubt God does. He knows you and me. He knows that we get nervous, or fear failure, or dread having “that meeting” at work, or__________(insert your fear here).
Psalm 139 says that before we were even born God knew us. Perhaps He still longs for that baby stage too, but He journeys with us wherever we go, even when we make mistakes and belatedly hit the brakes with regret.
I am reminded, through these co-pilot scenes in the car with my kids that despite my best efforts, I have to trust that God holds these precious babies in His hands and I can’t always protect them from all of life’s lessons, no matter how hard I try.
I am also reminded of how many times I have failed in this life, and despite my failings, God still loves me and desires for me to get back up, buckle up, adjust the rearview mirror, learn from my mistakes, and mature in my faith as I journey along with Him. It was never a high-speed race to the finish line, but rather a marathon in which we often get banged up and bruised along the way.
So how’s your driver’s education going?
Are you still making mistakes?
Have you thrown your hands up in defeat recently?
Do you fear failure?
Are you defeated right at this very moment?
God is near.
He knows you.
He loves you, and you have never been alone…He might have held onto that door handle a bit harder at some points in your journey, but He’s right there with you.
This is just me, pondering on…for what it’s worth.
Blessings my friends!