Hey fellow ponderers, please allow me this moment to be a little selfish…actually I want to specifically think of my children, and other officer kids out there on the cusp of moving (perhaps once again). I know that this blog post will not speak to everyone, and not everyone will relate, but please recognize that I have a heart for the kids that these moves effect…because I was once one of them. I know the hurt of moving, and hopefully, in some small way, I desire to help other Officer kids out there going through another move…
Dear Officer’s Kids:
I remember vividly the day my parents broke the news to my sister and me that we were being fare-welled. It struck my heart, my friends, my school, my corps family…everything was about to be uprooted, dislodged and, in my adolescent mind, ruined. Life as I had known it sucked! That’s what I thought. That’s how I felt…and, in some small way, I was angry about it.
My family had spent eight years of our life overseas as missionaries to three separate locations in Southern Africa. Then when we moved back to America, I had this thought that perhaps we would stay in our “American” appointment for a whole lot longer…but that was not to be, and at that time, I was very sad about the prospects of moving once again.
So we packed up our things, and began the long goodbye that is the farewell process in The Salvation Army.
Let’s face it, moving is never easy. Your parents can get stressed out, frazzled and downright difficult to live with during this time; But how we view these kinds of transitions can make all the difference in how we face the next place we live.
Here are 5 Survival Tips For Officers Kids Who Are Moving:
(Perhaps, if you can practice these tips, it will be less survival and more thriving in a new opportunity!)
- Talk To Your Parents/Parents Talk To Your Child!
Ask as many questions as you can about where your parents are being sent. Start to be inquisitive, and ask about your new school, corps, summer camp? When we actually talk about the new appointment, or place you’re moving to, it becomes less of an unknown, scary thing, and more of an absolute, tangible ‘new home’. Keep in mind that talking won’t always be easy. There will be times when your parents will be stressed or upset too about the move, but keep in mind that families need to stick together and talk about the transition. Parents: this is SO vital! As soon as you can, tell your children. Get them ready for the move. Also please remember that how you view this move will positively or negatively impact how your child will view this move. Discuss the pros and cons of moving…don’t neglect that both adults and children will feel a sense of loss, especially if the the current appointment is a place that you’ve been in for a long time! Talk about what you’re going to miss and also talk about what you’re not going to miss – be honest and sensitive to what your child/children are saying.
- View Moving As An Adventure & Use What’s Familiar!
My parents helped my sister and me in this important topic by showing us the adventure that awaited us. Now I know that there are some who are reading this and may be thinking to yourself, ‘It’s not always so joyful when we move’, and you’re right; but the more we can begin to view moving as an adventure, the more we can begin (and help our children begin) to adjust to a semi-transitory lifestyle.I recall knowing people who have lived in one place for their entire life, and I can’t even begin to understand that, but I don’t envy it either. As I look back at the ‘Army’ life that I have lived, both growing up and now as an adult, I see all of the life lessons that I’ve had the opportunity to learn. I also have experienced a broader world view than if my family had just stayed in one location for my whole life. This adventure has taken me to live in different cultural places, I have learned different local customs of many regions, and because of it I feel like my life is more rounded.O the places you will go…and the places you will see as an Officer’s Kid!
To Parents and Kids: Start talking about the adventure…then live the adventure! It can be easy to always look back and miss where you once lived, but if you look back the whole time, you will miss the adventure that you’re about to step through in the next appointment. Find the fun in life. View the new place that you’re about to live with a sense of fun and adventure. Coupled with the new adventure, set up your rooms and homes with the familiar so that where ever you go, Home looks and feels the same – this is the ‘safe ground’, the sanctuary, the ‘fortress of solitude’ and the family first environment! Bring your familiar blankets, pillows, posters, decorations…etc.
- Research, Explore & Google Places To See In Your New Home Town
We all have smart phones, computers and tablets, so use them to not only check out your new home, but all of the fun places around your new home. Check out apps like Google, TripAdvisor, Zomato Yelp…etc to find new and exciting places to eat, explore and visit when you arrive at your new appointment. Make plans to check out those places – and then do it!It can be fun to use your google maps to literally view the street your house is on and then go for an interactive ‘drive’ down the street through that app. As you do this, you will start to envision yourself there. It will never take the place of where you are living right now, or the places you’ve been, but it will certainly add to your life’s adventure! Think of it as the next chapter, but you will never, ever replace the last chapter…it just becomes a wonderful part of your life’s book!
- Find Activities To Get Involved In Right Away In Your New School!
When you move to your new home, (and here’s the BIG, frightening step of faith you should take:) find activities that you are interested at your new school and/or community that you can become involved in. Don’t wait for a year to jump into it, do it right away…trust me on this!I know some of you might be introverts at heart and you’ll want to stick close to home and ‘play it safe’, but try to push yourself to get out get involved!
When I was a kid, I loved sports, and so when we moved I joined the soccer team and the track team. By the time school actually started, I already knew people at my new school because they were friends from soccer. I made it a point to get involved. It wasn’t easy…and there were days that my stomach just churned with anxiety about being the ‘new guy’, but I pushed myself, and my parents gently pushed me too.
That’s the key too parents: your kids are stronger that we sometimes think they are. They will thrive if we get them out there and involved in activities. I’m not saying don’t allow them their down time at home, but don’t let them settle into unhealthy – isolating cocoons either! Help them find activities that they are interested in within your new appointment and plug them into those activities. When we can help our children find these healthy sources, they will develop friendships and become invested in this new adventure!
- Stay Positive
I’m not going to lie to you. There will be days when you will sorely miss the place that you just came from. There will be days that you will be tempted to withdraw from your new place and quit…don’t. Families need to stick together during this ‘mourning’ phase of moving. Emphasize the positives…look for the bright side and the opportunities.They say that life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to things – so attitude is VERY important in these transitions!If your new school stinks, then perhaps you can find one friend to enjoy the stink with at that school.
If your corps is not the best place to be, then perhaps you can find a small corner of it to make it your own despite the circumstances.
Officers Kids and Parents: How we act towards one another matters. Be an encourager to each other. Don’t go negative and only focus on what you hate about this new place. Sure, talk about those things, but don’t stay there – find the silver lining and when you do, you will find hope and joy despite the ups and downs of these transitory circumstances.
Kids: You got this!
You are resilient, smart, amazing people! Help your parents, and remember we aren’t alone in this! Officers kids are band of brothers and sisters and we can do anything we set our minds to! Let’s stick together!
Parents: Keep speaking truth, love and joy into your kids. Be patient with them…and at times go easy on them! Encourage them to be active, and show them what it means to live this Officer life…live the adventure with them!
Something more for This Army world to ponder!
May God richly bless on your move!
Another great post. Thanks for writing what you know first hand. There are plenty of readers who can identify even if not in the S.A. ranks.
God bless & you, keep blessing God.
An encouraging word based on experiences that we all go through….you are walking the path now. Good writing and good counsel….well done.
I really enjoyed reading this post. A great follow up to this would be, what can those in The Corps receiving new officers do to make this transition easier on the kids & less stressful & awkward?
One thing I know we can begin to do is pray for them right now. As they are remove mementos from their walls & say goodbye to friends…I will pray. Praise God that prayer paves the way long before the journey begins.
Looking forward to meeting you when you get out to Camp Mihaska.😊
I am not an Officer, neither am I an Officer’s child, This post will be useful for most on-the-move parent S and children, even for oldies as they have to leave their homes for other accomodations. Such good advice. Thank you.
We are about to run an Australian National officers kids camp and every ok’s experience so different from each other.. this is helpful stuff.
That’s amazing news!