10 Church Signs The You Need To See…And Never Duplicate!

This pondering is certainly tongue in cheek.
I want to poke a little fun at my fellow Christians today.
Perhaps some of them didn’t know that their Church signs were a little questionable…perhaps some did.
I understand some churches like to grab our attention as we drive by their buildings, I get that…but sometimes you see a church sign and, if you’re anything like me, you shake your head and/or groan.

I see a lot of church signs, I’m sure you do as well.
Some are good.  They get to the point of their message.
Some are just down right bad.

Here are 10 church signs that you need to see…and never duplicate.  -I mean NEVER!  

#10Signs1I understand that churches want faithful members, but guilt tripping people to come to church isn’t probably the best use of your signage space.  It just comes across as negative, it might actually push people away from your church because they might assume your church is judgmental and fickle.  Skip the negative, guilt tripping messages.

signs2Okay…I kind of like my churches pain-free!  I don’t know about you but I’m really not into getting beaten at church.  All kidding aside, I’m sure the person who put this sign up quickly realized how it sounded by actually reading it aloud…I hope.  Like it or not Pastors, we shouldn’t love to hurt people.

Signs3Ok, I get what this church is trying to say, I just think there might be a more tactful way of saying it.  It seems a little presumptuous for this church to make this statement.  I’m not saying that laziness and poverty can’t be related, I’m just saying – what if someone who has fallen onto hard times sees this sign?  How would they feel about themselves?  I just think a church who has to put this sign up to make a point is sort of sending a message to the community that they believe all of the poverty issues are because people are lazy…that is simply NOT true.

Signs4I get this message too, but what about those who aren’t Christians yet?  What kind of message does this convey to them?  Also besides being a little tacky, it’s also a little crass.  Perhaps this church was trying to be “edgy”, I just think this sort of message does not attract people and/or bring them into the church on Sunday, instead it drives them away.

signs5Two words:  Run. Away!  We don’t need the church to help us all to die thank you very much!  Again, I understand the message that they were trying to convey – I’m really laughing, but at the same time I’m kind of cringing too.

signs6I’m sure we get it, It just seems a bit forced doesn’t it?  The message seems to insinuate that none of us are busy doing what the Lord has called us to do…and it also assumes (albeit with a little humor involved) that by “acting” busy we’re going to fool Jesus.  Ha!  This message is so off base that I have a tough time reading it again.  Maybe I’ll just walk by because I’m too busy acting busy…okay, I digress.

signs7Wow.  There is SO much to say about this diatribe of a sign.  So, let me get this straight, God is the reason for the Tsunami, AIDS, and War?   I feel anything but “Welcomed” by this sign, in fact, I would run far, far away from this sort of message.  I understand that God did punish people in the bible because of their disobedience and sin, but to assume that all acts of nature and disease are created by God to punish the world, I feel is a bit too much (I’m being a little too subtle at my distaste for this sign)

So that’s the reason we have to forgive?!  I was forgiving people for all the wrong reasons for all this time, when I should have been focusing on messing with their heads…how dumb of me!”  If we forgive, it is to help ourselves as well as the other person.  I won’t get started on the phrase “forgive and forget” today, that’s a whole other topic, but obviously the message is about forgiveness.  I get the sarcasm here, I also have the spiritual gift of sarcasm, it just seems to be the wrong place to put a sarcastic message (at least to me).



I’m sorry Dr. Parker, but we’re not related.  HA!  Again, it’s all about the sign and the placement of the words.  I found this sign to be rather funny.  Perhaps this is the Sunday’s message, I get that…but if you’re like me, you might have read this message a little differently too.  Nope, no DNA test required this Sunday!

I’m sorry but to me this flies in the face scripture;
Do not quench the Spirit. 20 Do not despise prophecies. 21 Test all things; hold fast what is good. 22 Abstain from every form of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:20-22)

Yes, this relationship that we have with Christ requires faith, but it also requires us to sort out the wise and foolish teachings that are all around us.  Sometimes I think churches use this type of propaganda in coined phrases so that members will be completely dependent on the church as their main source of theological understanding.  We should be free thinkers in the sense that we question things, we search out truths and we confront falsehoods and erroneous beliefs.  We can’t just blindly accept things of “faith” at face value!

I have left out a number of signs, some of them were beyond provocative; Some were offensive, some were just flat out silly.  These are just ten signs you should see and never duplicate.  I would be curious to know others that you have seen.  Either post them here on this pondering thread or share a picture of a church sign that you have found.

Something more to ponder today.

“The Lord has gum and the Shepherds are making S’mores with their socks!”

My favorite misunderstood Christmas lyric for any carol or song this time of year is:  “Joy to the world, the Lord has GUM!”  That’s right Gum!  I’m not sure if it’s Big Red or Spearmint or even Hubba Bubba…but apparently the Lord has gum.   I don’t know about you but when ever someone is around and me they open up a new package of gum, I always ask for a piece.  If the Lord has gum, then I want some!


Another humorous song that I use to sing as a child is:  “While Shepherd wash their socks by night!”  I always envisioned them huddling around an open fire, the smell of burning wood in the air slowly ascending into the sky and instead of making s’mores they have these giant sticks with already washed socks strapped to them and they are attempting to dry them without burning them.  Steam is hissing and and also quickly giving chase to the smell of the burning wood as the shepherds regale themselves of shepherding stories and emergency rescues gone wrong (insert scary campfire stories here).

You know, you just have to possess a little bit of humor this time of year.  Especially when in traffic or in front of impatient Christmas shoppers intent of running you over!  I hope that we don’t lose our humor in the midst of our celebratory second glass of eggnog and a guilt-ridden nibble of another frosted Christmas sugar cookie.


Go wash some socks with the Shepherds, and don’t forget to ask the Lord for a piece of His gum!

School Kids, Embarrassing Parents & A Horror Show


There are certain horrors in life.  But none compared, none eclipse the mortifying, stuck in your shoes type of horror that many prepubescent boys experience – the horrors of parental embarrassment.   Imagine being that eleven year old boy about to begin school after the long summer days have ended.  The boy is forced to go school clothes shopping with his mother at a local department store down the street.  They arrive and enter the clothing establishment and little does this boy know how uniquely horrifying this experience will be to his young life.  Perhaps his life, though short lived, will flash before his eyes.

They find the young boys section, which just so happens to be right directly across from the young girls department…how lucky for him…still awkward around girls, like em one minute hate em the next.   Yet here he is with his mother about to shop for clothes.  Glancing over he sees a pretty girl around his age then he pulls his glance back quickly just as she also notices him.  “Great!” He thinks somberly to himself… the horror has begun.  In this jungle of cotton and hangers, the boy is vulnerable and exposed, inexperienced with shopping for anything other than video games or comic books.

His mother, oblivious to the plight his son, is perusing the racks of sale items.  Why is it most mothers pick the style and colors that the boy feels was so three years ago?  Why is it that mothers long to keep their boys forever 8 years old?  This Peter Pan mentality within all Moms who have attempted to stop the chicken legs and bony knees.  To stop the freakishly elongated arms and the feet that consistently pass another shoe size seemingly by the month.  Why try?  Is it so that Mom doesn’t feel older?  Is it to prevent the inevitable from happening – Her little boy growing up?

Then the summit, the apex of this horror show of school clothes shopping with your Mom unwraps itself.  It’s the shower curtain scene in Psycho, someone just needed to cue the shrieking music of ‘the knife’ scene.  If this boy later became a quantum physicist and invented a time machine, he would undoubtedly, come back and save his younger self from this moment of great embarrassment.  A group of girls, pretty girls that he recognizes from school walk by the boy section and sees him just as his mother, with underwear in hand sizes him up for a pair of cartoony kindergarten style pajamas.  “Mom!” the boy protests, red faced and awkwardly embarrassed, he ducks into a rack of clothes, hoping the girls didn’t just see that.

Perhaps that’s not your story.  But we’ve all been that awkward boy or girl.  We’ve all experienced the ‘licked spit on the hand to wipe your face moment’ from a parent.  The embarrassment of the waving parent as the son or daughter walks with a group of friends.  It’s funny how certain things never seem to change.   We might get older; our children might one day grow up, but the acts of embarrassment continue from generation to generation.   I for one am a parent who enjoys the role of the long passed tradition of the hand licker in public for the purpose of wiping a smudge off of my twelve year old son.  Or the moments of anxiety created when I crank the radio to 80’s rock songs while pulling up to the front door of the school at pick up time.  It’s the little things in life that make me smile.  My sons will never forget their father belting out an operatic version of Adele’s “Skyfall” as we approached their school.  Sometimes parenting has its rewards as a red faced child exits the vehicle quicker than usual because his father is badly singing at the top of his lungs…and they walk off shaking their heads but smile quickly as the glance back one last time.

Long story short, don’t miss out on the small things.   The embarrassing things.  The ‘make your child cringe’ things.  It’s your responsibility as a parent to embarrass the crap out of your kids.  Do I sound like an evil father?  Perhaps…but if your kids can laugh at the little things of life because their parents do then they’re better off in the future.  If your kids can see humanity for what it is, faults and all, then maybe they won’t worry so much about striving towards unhealthy acceptance in other areas of life.

Besides, laughter is the best medicine…so enjoy those moments when your child runs away red faced while shaking their head…but wait for the backward glance and a smile at the corner of the lips…it’s all worth it!

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